Cold Nostalgia

i'm just a simple girl living in this not so simple world. Nothing much to say about me except i love my life, every single day of it. `Life's like a rollercoaster :) *pictures derived from deviantart and sayingimages

Sunday, June 10, 2012 @ 8:51 PM

An unusual relationship

A dream wedding is all I ever thought of as a little girl. Now that I am 24 years old, with no boyfriend and no marriage plans I start to get worried. Thinking about what if i never find the guy of my dreams until i am 50? Or what if i will never find a guy period. For peoeple who have been following my blog you would know that I fall in love easily and that I have had a few boyfriends. Because of my work, my circle of friends are quite limited hence I have decided to try online dating. Some worked while some didnt.

RIght now in this second of my life, I have met this guy. He is tall, dark, cute and really nice. Maybe its still the honeymoon period and that we are moving on really quickly but whatever it is, I'm starting to fall in love and him likewise (hopefully). But this isnt your normal boy-girl relationship because he is a malay while i am a chinese. I am not saying that i dont like malays or that they are bad. Im saying i have never dated a malay guy before but I already can sense what is going to happen. Most of my friends who are chinese are already starting to say, quit while its early. I dont even dare to imagine what my dad will say if he knew I was dating a malay. Thing is I myself dont even know what to do.

Love is suppose to be happy and between the 2 of them. But in this case there is the islamic laws and stuff. I do not want to comment much about it as I dont understand the whole culture and tradition. All i know is that if i marry him, I have to convert into a muslim. That there is no such thing is dual-religion. I dont know if during this journey my friends and family will be there to support me or not. But I believe that, love is still love despite religion and culture. Whether I am able to sacrific my tradition and culture is another story but right now all I want to do is just be with him. Other problems will be handled/thought of when the time comes.

Friday, February 17, 2012 @ 10:23 AM

today i give myself a promise. a promise to myself that i will be happy and be hopeful everyday, that things would change and that i can be the happiest person alive. sometimes i cant help to think about you. but then again, who am i thinking of? fang yann or ray. i realised that both of them had something, they believed and supported me. that was the best thing about them. if you asked me today, who i would miss more, to be honest i really dont know. but from today onwords, i decided that i would miss none. because only if i am happy, then all good things will come along. this is a lyrics which i just wrote, what i feel right now. but guess what. i makes me feel happier cuz i know i will survive.

when i saw you for the first time

you took my breath away and kept me by ay ay

you held my hands and walked into the night

you make me believe in something called love

you said,
hang on to what we have
the moments that we share
the love which keeps us close
would never wander far

you gave me all i need
everything i wished
you made me feel like

im the only one thats yours

when time begins to pass, and wheels begin to turn
you turned your back on me and took all that i have left
you make me feel im living in a world of fools
you gave me promises that you never once could keep

you said,
i'm sorry, for leaving you
for all of the things i've done
if i could have a chance,
i would change and make things right

but baby dont you know by now
that this is just too late
i'm leaving you right now and never turning back

and i said,
thank you for all you did
for all the things you said
for all of the love you gave

for memories that will stay

and this is just the start
for me to start anew
and this this just the time
for me to say goodbye

Friday, January 27, 2012 @ 11:21 PM

These past few days after talking to loads of people and sitting and thinking about everything. I realise that, so what if I hanged on. Its not that I think he is not worth it, that's why I stop. But rather, if I really liked him as much as I claimed, then all I want is for him to be happy. And since I cant give him that kind of happiness then why do I want to pester him and make him upset?

I do still like him, but if its meant to be then its meant to be. Love cant be forced and planned, because thats just not the kind of love that I want. So I guess this is it. Thou we talked alot for the past 1 month, it was the happiest time for me. I loved waking up and seeing your messages and read them over and over again so that I could feel fuzzy and warm. And now, all I wanted was to wake up and see you sleeping next to me. I loved that night when you hugged me tightly to sleep as thou you were protecting me from the wind and cold. Loved it when I fit so perfectly in your arms and felt so safe that I could be sound asleep. I do miss you alot but maybe this is really for the best. I hope that we can still be friends and just hang out still although we never really did that before. But still. And I hope this summer you can bring your mum to singapore and that I can bring you around.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012 @ 11:39 PM

I cant believe I screw this up again. What is wrong with me? I simply dont understand, how can I not trust someone who was so nice to me. Am I just stupid or what? I dont get it.

He told me he just wants to be friends, that he could not find the feelings that he had for me. Feeling that he could trust me and be with me. I dont understand what I did wrong. I dont. Thinking about it just makes me want to cry now. I wish bao bei was here. She would know what to do. I know she is just a dog but she never left me and now all I want is her.

I dont understand why Ray suddenly became like that, maybe I was not attractive enough or like I dont know. All i know is that i want him back. I dont want to lose him. so i'm going to wait. I know it's foolish and he may never like me back again but I believe if we are meant to be then something will happen. I believe that if I what I feel for him is real then one day he will know that he can trust me and that I'll be there for him. so now im going to take relationship off my mind and just be there for him. thats all. nothing else. even as a friend, i want to be there for him etc. i know it will be hard since i have so much feelings for him still, but i will try my best. cuz i know he is worth it. i just know it. i dont know why. but i do. and i know that if i try hard enough mircles do happen. they do.

Saturday, January 14, 2012 @ 1:31 PM

Friday the 13th

Today is our first night date and I enjoyed it really much. We met a little later due to the reservation timing. Reservation? Aww I feel so blessed to have someone like him, he is so sweet. After we met at the side gate of Uni, we had a very akward hug, fair enough I was really shy and I did not want to scare him off. Then we just took the train and went to Cardiff Bay. My first time to Cardiff Bay and I'm loving it. Cuz obviously, I went with him. haha. Biased. Anyways, we ended up at Cosmos, a chinese buffet. ARghhhh.. I felt like a pig cuz I had so much food. I felt like Godzilla for crying out loud but luckily he was alright about my food intake. haha. "Honey, thanks for dinner and hot cooca" you see, I'm not really good at these things, saying thank you and stuff, its not I take him for granted but its just, i dont know how to say it. I know it sounds really stupid. AFter that he brought me to get hot cocoa while he had the manly coffee and we just walked around the bay area and talked and had fun. After that we took the train back to cardiff and back to my place to take my stuff. You see, at that point in time all I wanted to do was to wrap myself in his arms but I was too shy to do it. I dont know why I was. I just didnt want to screw this up. Anyways, we went back to his and talked and watch the ninth gate by johnny depp. Okay, that was not my favourite film of him but yea.

He was so cute when he slept. Fair enough it was just a tiny bed and all, and occassionally I would wake up cuz of my tummy and my eye were giving me problems. I felt a little unwell then, but oh well. He was soo cute. He would just cover his eyes with his eyes and that poor baby must be really tired and stressed cuz he even frowned in his sleep. All I wanted to do was to cuddle him in my arms. The next morning we had breakfast before having a little cheeky kiss. I'm going to sound sooooo pervy but I'm not joking when i say he freaking turns me on. I dont know if its his scary muscles that gives me wild thoughts or the fact that i'm just so into him or fact that he just simply flipped the switch n managed to just turn me on with his kisses. But sadly I had to go home so he could do his work :( I cant wait to be with him again. to just be near to him, smell his lovely cologne and touch his scary muscles and just be in his arms and knowing that i'll be safe.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011 @ 9:58 PM

I know it has been awhile since I have blogged, well good fact is that I'm in the UK now. woohoo. i've met loads of really nice people and just having an amazing time. I know I have chanced so much since I have been here, I never used to party and now I just love it. Fact that I can sing at the top of my lung and not feel stupid about it or that I can dance and move and jump and not look stupid.

But best part is that I have met someone. He is the most amazing guy I have ever met. Yes I know, I always say that when I meet someone new but I swear on my tiny heart that I'm not lying. I mean seriously, how many time in your life, you meet someone so similar to you. Someone who laughs at the same thing you do, smile at the same things, love the same things, and just is so similar to you. See I'm not joking and he is not my fantasy ok people. It is really funny how I met him, I just met him at the halloween party at the union and just grabbed him for a photo cuz his mask scared me. Haha. I had no idea who he was and have never seen him before, and one day he just added me on Facebook and said, I think youre cute. I was like, aww this guy is so sweet. We didnt talk much thou as he was always on and off facebook. Then suddenly, on 22nd Dec 2011, we ended up talking until around 5 in the morning. I could not stop smiling cuz he is just sooo cute and I just couldnt wait to meet him. then we decided to meet for coffee at the local cafe and omg, i'll tell you guys, once I set my eyes on him, I just fell in love. I'm not joking, I was just sitting there thinking this has to be the best day of my life.

Soon I went to London while him to Norway, and we chatted every chance we could when we were on Facebook. It was not easy, especially when I missed him so much but I could not say it cuz i know i would scare him off. I just felt really blessed to have met him. cuz not only does he listen to all my stuff but, I felt that I really wanted to care for this guy. I really do. I just wanted to fly over there and just hug him and never let go. that is the feeling he gives me. I would just wait up and see if he was online before going to sleep and I would just write loads cuz I just wanted him to be part of me and I just wanted to share everything I could with him. He told me about the log cabins and the dandelion places in Norway and I just wish that one day I could go there with him. Andddddd... he says that his mum loves Singapore, so meaning she would like me :P and maybe he might bring her there during summer break. YAY. although I do agree its a tad too quick but still, you never know what life throws at you.

xmas is over meaning, the date of seeing him is closing in. I really cant wait, aww i just wanna hug that boy and never let go. I went to get his present today. He wanted a mug and I found a place in Greenwhich which i could paint a mug. Being an art student before, ermm... i totally forgot how to do it. haha.. I mixed a really cloudy blue and wrote his name on the mug with his lyrics at the bottom. I love the blue cuz it feels like when the sun is about to go down and the sky turns dark and stars comes out. and thats when i know i'll be safe with him. im really silly i know.

cross my fingers and just pray with my tiny heart that nothing goes wrong and i can be happy just this time. and ps. dont we look like a cute couple :P

Saturday, July 2, 2011 @ 10:06 PM

I remember the day that this happened, just like it was yesterday. Ken and me were at mt faber when it happened. We got out of the car to talk, because I really needed some fresh air. He came to me and aske me what can he do to take the pain away from me. There was clearly nothing that he could have done. If he could, i knew he would. He pulled me closer and whispered again what he could do. I pulled away but he did not let go. He hugged me so tight as if protecting me from the world. At that instant when he begged me to tell him what he could do, I just broke down. There was no solution that we could have used. Nothing that would salvage the situation. Sometimes I wonder, if i did not let go, if i did not give up and if i just stayed with him until the day of my passing. Would things have been different? Would he leave with me. Would he take me somewhere where we can start afresh?

No.. He couldnt. He could not leave her and be with me. That is just not possible. After that night, he became hot and cold. He would call me out as and when he wanted to see me. And I did meet him (I'm so stupid) just because I really loved him and just didnt care about anything at all.

But the day when he left, my whole world died. It's not even like it crashed or blew up, it just died. My feelings were all dead. I could not feel anything. After that I just felt hurt. Why? I just didnt understand why or how he can do this to me? Didnt he love me? I know he did. The effort that he made, the way he looks at me, the way the give in to my silly request in France. I would remember those days. The pillow fights, the holding my hands tightly when the fishes attacked us while snorkling. Haha.

I thought now, things would be better, that things would change for once. But no, the time has not come yet.

Recently I met this guy, I really do want to spend my life with him but I just dont think he likes me enough. To put it straight, he was less confusing then Ken. Maybe they are the same, maybe they are not. But it wont matter anymore. James would not be a part of my life anymore after August. So in the meantime, I shall just make memories.

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Sunday, June 10, 2012 @ 8:51 PM An unusual relationship A dream wedding is all I ever thought of as a little girl. Now that I am 24 years old, with no boyfriend and no marriage plans I start to get worried. Thinking about what if i never find the guy of my dreams until i am 50? Or what if i will never find a guy period. For peoeple who have been following my blog you would know that I fall in love easily and that I have had a few boyfriends. Because of my work, my circle of friends are quite limited hence I have decided to try online dating. Some worked while some didnt. RIght now in this second of my life, I have met this guy. He is tall, dark, cute and really nice. Maybe its still the honeymoon period and that we are moving on really quickly but whatever it is, I'm starting to fall in love and him likewise (hopefully). But this isnt your normal boy-girl relationship because he is a malay while i am a chinese. I am not saying that i dont like malays or that they are bad. Im saying i have never dated a malay guy before but I already can sense what is going to happen. Most of my friends who are chinese are already starting to say, quit while its early. I dont even dare to imagine what my dad will say if he knew I was dating a malay. Thing is I myself dont even know what to do. Love is suppose to be happy and between the 2 of them. But in this case there is the islamic laws and stuff. I do not want to comment much about it as I dont understand the whole culture and tradition. All i know is that if i marry him, I have to convert into a muslim. That there is no such thing is dual-religion. I dont know if during this journey my friends and family will be there to support me or not. But I believe that, love is still love despite religion and culture. Whether I am able to sacrific my tradition and culture is another story but right now all I want to do is just be with him. Other problems will be handled/thought of when the time comes. back to top?
Friday, February 17, 2012 @ 10:23 AM today i give myself a promise. a promise to myself that i will be happy and be hopeful everyday, that things would change and that i can be the happiest person alive. sometimes i cant help to think about you. but then again, who am i thinking of? fang yann or ray. i realised that both of them had something, they believed and supported me. that was the best thing about them. if you asked me today, who i would miss more, to be honest i really dont know. but from today onwords, i decided that i would miss none. because only if i am happy, then all good things will come along. this is a lyrics which i just wrote, what i feel right now. but guess what. i makes me feel happier cuz i know i will survive. when i saw you for the first time you took my breath away and kept me by ay ay you held my hands and walked into the night you make me believe in something called love you said, hang on to what we have the moments that we share the love which keeps us close would never wander far you gave me all i need everything i wished you made me feel like im the only one thats yours when time begins to pass, and wheels begin to turn you turned your back on me and took all that i have left you make me feel im living in a world of fools you gave me promises that you never once could keep you said, i'm sorry, for leaving you for all of the things i've done if i could have a chance, i would change and make things right but baby dont you know by now that this is just too late i'm leaving you right now and never turning back and i said, thank you for all you did for all the things you said for all of the love you gave for memories that will stay and this is just the start for me to start anew and this this just the time for me to say goodbye back to top?
Friday, January 27, 2012 @ 11:21 PM These past few days after talking to loads of people and sitting and thinking about everything. I realise that, so what if I hanged on. Its not that I think he is not worth it, that's why I stop. But rather, if I really liked him as much as I claimed, then all I want is for him to be happy. And since I cant give him that kind of happiness then why do I want to pester him and make him upset? I do still like him, but if its meant to be then its meant to be. Love cant be forced and planned, because thats just not the kind of love that I want. So I guess this is it. Thou we talked alot for the past 1 month, it was the happiest time for me. I loved waking up and seeing your messages and read them over and over again so that I could feel fuzzy and warm. And now, all I wanted was to wake up and see you sleeping next to me. I loved that night when you hugged me tightly to sleep as thou you were protecting me from the wind and cold. Loved it when I fit so perfectly in your arms and felt so safe that I could be sound asleep. I do miss you alot but maybe this is really for the best. I hope that we can still be friends and just hang out still although we never really did that before. But still. And I hope this summer you can bring your mum to singapore and that I can bring you around. back to top?
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 @ 11:39 PM I cant believe I screw this up again. What is wrong with me? I simply dont understand, how can I not trust someone who was so nice to me. Am I just stupid or what? I dont get it. He told me he just wants to be friends, that he could not find the feelings that he had for me. Feeling that he could trust me and be with me. I dont understand what I did wrong. I dont. Thinking about it just makes me want to cry now. I wish bao bei was here. She would know what to do. I know she is just a dog but she never left me and now all I want is her. I dont understand why Ray suddenly became like that, maybe I was not attractive enough or like I dont know. All i know is that i want him back. I dont want to lose him. so i'm going to wait. I know it's foolish and he may never like me back again but I believe if we are meant to be then something will happen. I believe that if I what I feel for him is real then one day he will know that he can trust me and that I'll be there for him. so now im going to take relationship off my mind and just be there for him. thats all. nothing else. even as a friend, i want to be there for him etc. i know it will be hard since i have so much feelings for him still, but i will try my best. cuz i know he is worth it. i just know it. i dont know why. but i do. and i know that if i try hard enough mircles do happen. they do. back to top?
Saturday, January 14, 2012 @ 1:31 PM Friday the 13th Today is our first night date and I enjoyed it really much. We met a little later due to the reservation timing. Reservation? Aww I feel so blessed to have someone like him, he is so sweet. After we met at the side gate of Uni, we had a very akward hug, fair enough I was really shy and I did not want to scare him off. Then we just took the train and went to Cardiff Bay. My first time to Cardiff Bay and I'm loving it. Cuz obviously, I went with him. haha. Biased. Anyways, we ended up at Cosmos, a chinese buffet. ARghhhh.. I felt like a pig cuz I had so much food. I felt like Godzilla for crying out loud but luckily he was alright about my food intake. haha. "Honey, thanks for dinner and hot cooca" you see, I'm not really good at these things, saying thank you and stuff, its not I take him for granted but its just, i dont know how to say it. I know it sounds really stupid. AFter that he brought me to get hot cocoa while he had the manly coffee and we just walked around the bay area and talked and had fun. After that we took the train back to cardiff and back to my place to take my stuff. You see, at that point in time all I wanted to do was to wrap myself in his arms but I was too shy to do it. I dont know why I was. I just didnt want to screw this up. Anyways, we went back to his and talked and watch the ninth gate by johnny depp. Okay, that was not my favourite film of him but yea. He was so cute when he slept. Fair enough it was just a tiny bed and all, and occassionally I would wake up cuz of my tummy and my eye were giving me problems. I felt a little unwell then, but oh well. He was soo cute. He would just cover his eyes with his eyes and that poor baby must be really tired and stressed cuz he even frowned in his sleep. All I wanted to do was to cuddle him in my arms. The next morning we had breakfast before having a little cheeky kiss. I'm going to sound sooooo pervy but I'm not joking when i say he freaking turns me on. I dont know if its his scary muscles that gives me wild thoughts or the fact that i'm just so into him or fact that he just simply flipped the switch n managed to just turn me on with his kisses. But sadly I had to go home so he could do his work :( I cant wait to be with him again. to just be near to him, smell his lovely cologne and touch his scary muscles and just be in his arms and knowing that i'll be safe. back to top?
Tuesday, December 27, 2011 @ 9:58 PM I know it has been awhile since I have blogged, well good fact is that I'm in the UK now. woohoo. i've met loads of really nice people and just having an amazing time. I know I have chanced so much since I have been here, I never used to party and now I just love it. Fact that I can sing at the top of my lung and not feel stupid about it or that I can dance and move and jump and not look stupid. But best part is that I have met someone. He is the most amazing guy I have ever met. Yes I know, I always say that when I meet someone new but I swear on my tiny heart that I'm not lying. I mean seriously, how many time in your life, you meet someone so similar to you. Someone who laughs at the same thing you do, smile at the same things, love the same things, and just is so similar to you. See I'm not joking and he is not my fantasy ok people. It is really funny how I met him, I just met him at the halloween party at the union and just grabbed him for a photo cuz his mask scared me. Haha. I had no idea who he was and have never seen him before, and one day he just added me on Facebook and said, I think youre cute. I was like, aww this guy is so sweet. We didnt talk much thou as he was always on and off facebook. Then suddenly, on 22nd Dec 2011, we ended up talking until around 5 in the morning. I could not stop smiling cuz he is just sooo cute and I just couldnt wait to meet him. then we decided to meet for coffee at the local cafe and omg, i'll tell you guys, once I set my eyes on him, I just fell in love. I'm not joking, I was just sitting there thinking this has to be the best day of my life. Soon I went to London while him to Norway, and we chatted every chance we could when we were on Facebook. It was not easy, especially when I missed him so much but I could not say it cuz i know i would scare him off. I just felt really blessed to have met him. cuz not only does he listen to all my stuff but, I felt that I really wanted to care for this guy. I really do. I just wanted to fly over there and just hug him and never let go. that is the feeling he gives me. I would just wait up and see if he was online before going to sleep and I would just write loads cuz I just wanted him to be part of me and I just wanted to share everything I could with him. He told me about the log cabins and the dandelion places in Norway and I just wish that one day I could go there with him. Andddddd... he says that his mum loves Singapore, so meaning she would like me :P and maybe he might bring her there during summer break. YAY. although I do agree its a tad too quick but still, you never know what life throws at you. xmas is over meaning, the date of seeing him is closing in. I really cant wait, aww i just wanna hug that boy and never let go. I went to get his present today. He wanted a mug and I found a place in Greenwhich which i could paint a mug. Being an art student before, ermm... i totally forgot how to do it. haha.. I mixed a really cloudy blue and wrote his name on the mug with his lyrics at the bottom. I love the blue cuz it feels like when the sun is about to go down and the sky turns dark and stars comes out. and thats when i know i'll be safe with him. im really silly i know. cross my fingers and just pray with my tiny heart that nothing goes wrong and i can be happy just this time. and ps. dont we look like a cute couple :P back to top?
Saturday, July 2, 2011 @ 10:06 PM I remember the day that this happened, just like it was yesterday. Ken and me were at mt faber when it happened. We got out of the car to talk, because I really needed some fresh air. He came to me and aske me what can he do to take the pain away from me. There was clearly nothing that he could have done. If he could, i knew he would. He pulled me closer and whispered again what he could do. I pulled away but he did not let go. He hugged me so tight as if protecting me from the world. At that instant when he begged me to tell him what he could do, I just broke down. There was no solution that we could have used. Nothing that would salvage the situation. Sometimes I wonder, if i did not let go, if i did not give up and if i just stayed with him until the day of my passing. Would things have been different? Would he leave with me. Would he take me somewhere where we can start afresh? No.. He couldnt. He could not leave her and be with me. That is just not possible. After that night, he became hot and cold. He would call me out as and when he wanted to see me. And I did meet him (I'm so stupid) just because I really loved him and just didnt care about anything at all. But the day when he left, my whole world died. It's not even like it crashed or blew up, it just died. My feelings were all dead. I could not feel anything. After that I just felt hurt. Why? I just didnt understand why or how he can do this to me? Didnt he love me? I know he did. The effort that he made, the way he looks at me, the way the give in to my silly request in France. I would remember those days. The pillow fights, the holding my hands tightly when the fishes attacked us while snorkling. Haha. I thought now, things would be better, that things would change for once. But no, the time has not come yet. Recently I met this guy, I really do want to spend my life with him but I just dont think he likes me enough. To put it straight, he was less confusing then Ken. Maybe they are the same, maybe they are not. But it wont matter anymore. James would not be a part of my life anymore after August. So in the meantime, I shall just make memories. back to top?